Empty

We've all had it. That empty feeling, even at times when we should feel fulfilled. Like experiencing an anticlimax. Case in point: the vintage car racing team I was on was better in the points each year in the championship. When we won it, we kind of looked at each other like"umm, well, now what?".

For the first time in quite some time, I'm not feeling empty. At all. It's been an adjustment. My job is good, I like everyone I work with, being married is everything it's supposed to be, and it feels like you've accomplished something. My racing is about to start, so Tubbo here is definitely on a quest to return to form.

But I was watching the History channel (like usual) and got that empty feeling again. It stems from my army days, and I understand it. In some ways I miss it, in other ways I'm glad it's over, and there are times when I wish it never happened at all so it won't torment me.

I won't bore or torture you with details, and I'm not sure my post is all that cohesive today. I guess I'm hoping none of you ever has to feel that emptiness. I'll just tell you that I have many friends whom I'll never see again and that I miss them terribly. If you have people who are close to you, let them know it, for the emptiness I feel is from not telling them, and I'll never have the oppurtunity to.

A good buddy of mine was shot while we were running across a village square to get a better defensive position. I dove down to grab him and try to give some first aid. While others of my squad did the best they could to protect us, I realized there was nothing I could do. He looked at me and said "it's ok, it's ok, I know you tried".

He was so at peace, but it doesn't fill the hole left.