I had a horrible night last night. Started throwing up violently, and it was a lot of blood. Not much bothers me, but I tend to freak out if blood starts making an appearance where it shouldn't. So after a little too much of it, I drove to the ER. Thirty miles later there I was, looking like a vampire who just dined.
So after a bit of investigation and some imagery, the doc gives me some industrial strength stomach coater and says they'll be in touch. I go home and wait so I can go the radiology place. Apparently there was a shadow in one of my xrays in my chest. OH joy.
After a discussion with my sweetheart (and if you don't know who that is, well you probably would ask me how subway tokens I want for 75 cents when I give you a dollar...) I was off to the radiologist for every type of imagery that can possibly be billed to insurance.
I'm used to this type of stuff. When I'm there, all other work stops, as I have priority. But I still hate it. I know what the workers are thinking and saying about me. It's funny, when you're sick you want time, especially if it's serious, but when I'm waiting time can't move fast enough.
I know I have two answers coming my way. It's nothing too serious, just something I picked up, or it's really bad and you need to get in the hospital now. I've been through lots of stuff in my life, but I hate the waiting. It's the one time I feel so alone. I mean, it's me and a disease, possibly. No one can fight it for me. Sometimes I wonder if I have the fight in me if it comes again. Ironic how my astrological sign has tried to kill me. Cancer. Go figure. I have few true friends, so I face these times by myself, at least in person.
I waited for all the readings to be done. I was ready for it, the news I'd be starting all over again another treatment cycle. I had time to think what I'd tell people again, what I needed to finish up in case I didn't win. And I was getting really angry inside. Not the why me, but the this is going to cause so much pain to people I don't want to hurt anger. I tried to read, but Time is boring when you really don't care about some obscure problem in Arkansas. I went back to thinking. And I got a clear look at my life, because I wasn't sure if it was ever going to be the same.
Finally I got the news. I had an infection in my trachea and esosphagus. Right where they seperate. So bad it was open and bleeding. Oddly it doesn't hurt at all, but it was causing me to clear my throat constantly. Some keflex was prescribed, and I spent my grocery money on my copays and meds. Go insurance.
So I had time to think about a lot of things.
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3 comments:
You family will always be there for you but now, I promise, you will never face anything like this ever again - alone. You (and whoever else reads this) need to know that I was slowly dying over here knowing I couldn't be by your side. But we had faith, right? And it got you through this... I think yesterday I was in shock. Today the tears flow...most it from relief but some for fear. This little scare has changed me too. I won't take things for granted anymore. You HAVE to take care of yourself Michael. And I hope you don't race today. You need recovery time. You know how my heart feels....
that is really scary! take care of yourself.
I'm glad that it's something they can fix with antibiotics. Unfortunately, our minds seem to need to play out all the worst case senerios, but those worst case senerios feel like they are going to destroy us.
I have no doubt that you have more friends then you felt like you had at the time. It's a matter of calling on them when you need them. Now go rest and heal. I hope you aren't even considering racing this weekend.
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