When do the flashes in my peripheral vision go away?

Oh man, a day beyond belief! Great weather, great ride until about 10 miles to go (details later) a VW Squareback, tan lines on my legs already, women mystify me, and I'm starving.

My ride was great, it was warm, sunny, shorts weather. All things were going well until about 10 miles from the end when I bonked. Hard. Like, lightheadedness was setting in (and seeing how I was on a bike that required balance, well, yeah), my legs were past giving up the ghost and had even ceased being undead. I could feel it coming on, but there is nothing you can do. Just try to keep a steady tempo and not lose it.

Bonking is fun. Once in a great while. After you're recovered. Which I'm still not all there yet. Quiet. Your appendages go to jelly, for me my peripheral vision starts getting these swank disco type vertical flashes all around, (do the hustle!!!) and I know I'm really hosed when I want to cry. Weird, I know. I'm getting close to it when I start visualizing what I'm going to eat when I get home. That's bad.

So what happened? I didn't eat enough earlier in the day. It's that simple. So the three bowls of Frosted Flakes (which were great, by the way), several banannas, oj, water, a sausage mcmuffin with egg, a sausage and egg biscuit ( I was craving them, and they're good to eat in the morning before a ride.) and two sandwiches obviously weren't enough. Amazing. I eat in the realm of 5400 calories a day right now, and it's not enough...

Anyway, I was behind someone who must be in training for the title of World's Slowest Driver. What do I base this opinion on? Have I gathered vast empirical data, surveyed countless cars over a given route, had a psychic experience? No. A VW Squareback was pulling away from us. The station wagon version of the original Beetle was pulling away from us. From the taillights it looked to be a late 60's model, so it probably had about 50 horsepower. Folks, check the owner's manuals of your cars and see how much horsepower they have. God, even my 88 Saab 900s has 138. But I love them anyway, they're so weird looking. Or at least distinctive.

Bouncing back to my ride (sort of ((I'm really into parentheses tonight))) (HA!!!!!) I've ridden enough outside without tights to have some tan lines showing up on my legs. I'm only happy about this because everywhere I've worked there's always that one girl who lives to tan and likes to brag about how dark they are. So I'll wear shorts or something the day after they do it and laugh. Of course, don't life the shorts past mid thigh (weeeelllll, if you're cute an single you can....lol) or you'll be blinded by the absence of color.

Women mystify me.

Stay well, good luck, and as we say in racing, keep the rubber side down. Hmmm.

I might be a genius, but god, I'm dumb....

I haven't been able to watch tv for about a month. All because I fell asleep one night watching Tour de France tapes (I have every tour since 1989 on tape. I said I was a geek!) and rolled over on the tv remote. Or the satellite remote. Anyway, I could watch tapes and DVDs, but no tv. Hmmmm. I couldn't figure it out. I only got the blue screen of sarcasm, the tv mocking me. So, I decided I wanted to try and watch the Olympics tonight. So I went into the den and started resetting everything. Nothing worked, just like all the other times. Then I changed the channel of the tv with the tv remote. Yup, I was one channel off... Lots of people have been saying that for years. LOL So now I have tv. That's right, ladies, I hate all these nutty tv systems, etc. I'm happy I can run the sound through my stereo speakers. I'm able to rebuild a Lampredi designed Ferrari v-12 from 1958, but can't get a tv to work...

A friend of mine was online last night and she asked me what I did for V-Day. Told her I rode my bike. She said "So you spent it with the love of your life, huh?" It was a joke, but damn, how true. I wasn't too thrilled about being alone in all senses of the word, but after I rode, it was ok. It's so therapeutic. Oh, and my buddy stopped by work to tell me the idiot who was with him yesterday bawled for 20 minutes after I left because she felt so bad after I told her off. I hope she learned something.

The annoying immature girl at work got a major warning today, as in "do it again and you can get your things and leave immediately. " Of course, I'm afraid she's going to set me up somehow, but I've dealt with things like this in the past, so it'll be ok. Today she just talked to me when she needed something, and thanked me for my help. That's all I ask.

That's the news, and I'm outta here! (Quick, where is that from and who said it?) Post your answer or guess in my comments. You'll win absolutely nothing but my congratualtions. But it will be genuine. I love you all, so love more people, too.

Do I ever give up?

No. Never. Impossible. I'm just going to post until I wear out my keyboard. At which time I'll get out my spare keyboard. yup, I have a spare keyboard. Plus a whole spare computer...

I was cleaning Horse (the green bike) and looked at my computer on my bike (my god this guy has them everywhere) and saw I went 48.7 mph down the west slope of Mohonk Mountain. Not bad considering I had to slow up for the van I was catching, and the road was covered with sand from the plows. Life on the edge...

Funny how we all have our problems, and how they're all major to each of us. It's all perspective, I guess. Not sure what my problems are, though. How's that for a switch? I mean, what some may consider a problem I see as bonuses. No girlfriend. Bonus, but a double edged one. Not much money per se. Keeps my life simple, I buy what I need, and treat myself sometimes to something I really want once in awhile. Ok, that's all I can come up with. I'm about to pass out since I'm totally relaxed after dinner. Plus, I've had that Ashley Judd/Hugh Jackman movie on which kills me. (Chick flick, I know, but Hugh is so cool in it. all my married and coupled friends point to his character and say "see, you're like him without the smoking, that's why you're perpetually single". Mental note, need new friends...) So I'm pretty mellowed out. Time for bed. If those two monster cats of mine will get out of the way...

I know nothing about these guys...

Remains ID'd of Four Missing in Vietnam


WASHINGTON - The remains of four U.S. servicemen missing in action since the Vietnam War have been identified and will be returned to their families for burial, the Pentagon said Tuesday.
All from the Army's 101st Airborne Division, they are Maj. Jack L. Barker of Waycross, Ga.; Capt. John F. Dugan of Roselle, N.J.; Sgt. William E. Dillender of Naples, Fla.; and Pfc. John J. Chubb of Gardena, Calif.
Chubb will be buried in Inglewood, Calif., this week. Barker, Dugan and Dillender will be buried in April in Arlington National Cemetery, said the Defense Department POW/Missing Personnel Office.
Their helicopter was shot down on March 20, 1971, the office said in a statement.
Barker and Dugan were piloting a UH-1H Huey helicopter with Dillender and Chubb on board while on a troop extraction mission in the Savannakhet Province of Laos.
Officials said that as the helicopter approached the landing zone, it was hit by heavy enemy ground fire and exploded.
Between 1988 and 2001, joint U.S.-Lao People's Democratic Republic teams undertook four unsuccessful investigations and three excavations for the remains. Crash site surveys in 2002 and 2004 eventually found some remains, wreckage and insignia. The remains were identified by forensic anthropologists using medical and dental records, the Pentagon said.
From the Vietnam War, 1,807 Americans are still unaccounted for, 364 of those from Laos. Another 839 have been accounted for in Southeast Asia, 208 of those from Laos.


Welcome home.

Happy Valentine's Day to you too (you slack jawed rat bastard...)

Ok, it's the big day of love. Not to be confused with three days of love in '69. Went ok, I ate too many of those yummy candy hearts (each saying in each color) but got out of work int ime to go thrash myself on a few mountains on my bike. Funny thing, I was all excited to go when I left work, I got behind some slow person and got home about 15 minutes later than normal. Which threw my already tight schedule off, but I decided to perservere and got out there and then it was great. I'm very happy with how I rode, and of course enjoyed the little scenario I had in my head to keep me going. I have to imagine I'm in a race that's being televised and I imagine the commentary. Pretty good stuff. No, I don't win all the time. LOL It works for me, that's what's important. So I got home and of course was somewhat frozen, like my fingers and toes, the rest was ok. One of my simple pleasures of life is getting home freezing cold and taking a long hot shower after a ride and shaving my legs. Sounds strange, but I love the feeling of being warm and super clean.

Anyway, I was talking to a person earlier in the day while hanging aroung on my lunch break with a friend. This ignoramus knew I had been in the Army and had the unmitigated nerve to ask me if I killed people, "because that's wrong". Uh huh. Bitch. Sorry, but that's wrong to ask crap like that.

So I responded thusly (is that really a word?) "Yes, for a few reasons. One, so you wouldn't ever have to know the horror of combat or have the sleepless nights or feelings of isolation that I've been dealing with, two, I'd do it again if it meant no else would have to ever again, and three, so that you'd have the right to ask such an insensitive question no matter how tactless it is." With that I got up and walked back to work. People amaze me. How we're not extinct with the daily displays of stupidity I witness boggles my mind, not to mention male adolescence.

So, on to happier thoughts. It's Valentine's and I'm single. Again. Oddly it doesn't bother me. At all. I'm really looking forward to my singleness. No distractions, no expenses. Of course, there is a law student...

I must be getting old....

I had a post, went downstairs to get my laundry out of the dryer, and now have forgotten what I was going to post. Go me at half speed. Being the geek I am, not only do I race bikes and take pictures, but I also love trains. Yup, those big, noisy monsters that startle people out of their sleep at night. Model ones, too.

So today I had designed this little world of my own to go along the wall above my tv in the den. I'm all excited, as I won't have to buy practically anything in terms of actual construction, and I have more trains than most hobby stores. So what happens tonight? I go on the Model Railroader website, and they announce for next month's issue that the feature article will be on a guy's layout that I've been dying to see. Go figure. So now, all work is on hold (I guess it isn't, since work never actually started...) until the next issue arrives at my favorite hobby shop, the Hurley Country Store. (Check their website Hurleycountrystore.com, it's really a cool place. I worked there in the past.) My friends like to tease me and say I just like to buy trains and run them in my mind...

So my cats have two new cats to acclimate to, and though Lucy is a nice new friend, Barnaby isn't quite as easy going. At all. In fact, he thinks he's the alpha male. Well, he likes to pick on Sarah, which isn't a great idea, as she's about 20 pounds and will run at first, but it's all part of her plan. She'll stop and make a stand, and is quite vicious, too. Well, then there's Jasper, all 26 pounds of him. Yeah, he's quite the ginormo kitty. All muscle. Barnaby is probably in the 17 pound range. Well, he decided to show Jasper who's boss. Mind you, Jasper sent the chihuahua in the house down for an 8 count with one smack of his front paw while walking and didn't miss a step.

I'm sure you've figured out where this is headed. Barnaby was bothering Jasper, and he was nonplussed by it. Until Barnaby decided to smack Jasper. Jasper decided enough was enough and whopped Barnaby square on the nose and then sent him sliding across the living room floor. Jasper doesn't use his claws much, he prefers to box. Well, Barnaby steers clear of Jasper from that moment on. Until he was chasing Sarah and she turned to make a stand at my doorway. Barnaby was raising his paw when noticed Jasper had walked up to about 4 inches from him. Barnaby slowly put his paw down and walked away. It was priceless. Later Barnaby ran into Jasper and Jasper just backpawed him out of his way. I swear Jasper is part cougar. the funniest part of all this is now if BArnaby hears Jasper's name he goes running to his room. Pretty smart cat.

Ok, I don't let them fight. Usually a loud yell breaks it up, I'd hate to see Jasper pissed off. He's so nonchalant about it, he never hisses or lowers his ears.

look at that, a post. Amazing.

Crazy fun and Johnny Cash! Oh the Rock Island Line is a mighty fine line....

So I decided to use the nuclear option and call HR on the immature coworker. This was after a consultation with my overall boss. Nothing like killing ants with a sledgehammer... I don't like wasting time, and I wanted it to be documented, plus at least I filed the complaint, not vice versa, and then I'm screwed.

So we had not as much snow as NYC. Like not even half as much. But I went to Minnewaska and cross country skied for about 3 hours. Of course, part of that was becasue I'm slow, and partly was lost, but it was a good day. Nothing like being the only one there after a fresh snow. Nothing else to say. Rode in the basement again, but that's not too exciting, and definitely not worth writing about.

Let's see, I'm a bit confused. My new team has a forum. It has a Misc section. Soooooooo, I posted. It got deleted. Here's the story: There's a website about bike racing that has a section called the Daily distraction. the whole idea is to send in pics of women who race, ride, podium girls, etc. Yeah, it's sexist, I know. Come on, cut us some slack, we shave our legs for god's sake!!!! Anyway, because they used my pic I sent in, (of my now ex girlfriend) I get a free pair of socks. It's actually a pretty big deal in the cycling community. And I'm damn proud of the pic. I won a few contests using this and a few others from this set. So, in my excitement, I said "hey guys a pic of mine got used on this website and I'm getting a pair of socks!" Oh well, guess it maybe was stretching the line, but isn't that what a Misc section is for? Let's see if I get in trouble.

Ok, that really is it. Happy Valentine's Day!!!!! I'll be your Valentine since I'm available, lmao!!!!

A little bit o' history for ya...

Thought you might be interested in this forgotten bit of information.......... It was 1987!
At a lecture the other day they were playing an old news video of Lt.Col. Oliver North testifying at the Iran-Contra hearings during the Reagan Administration. There was Ollie in front of God and country getting the third degree, but what he said was stunning! He was being drilled by a senator;
"Did you not recently spend close to $60,000 for a home security system?"
Ollie replied, "Yes, I did, Sir."
The senator continued, trying to get a laugh out of the audience, "Isn't that just a little excessive?"
"No, sir," continued Ollie.
"No? And why not?" the senator asked.
"Because the lives of my family and I were threatened, sir."
"Threatened? By whom?" the senator questioned.
"By a terrorist, sir" Ollie answered.
"Terrorist? What terrorist could possibly scare you that much?"
"His name is Osama bin Laden, sir" Ollie replied. At this point the senator tried to repeat the name, but couldn't pronounce it, which most people back then probably couldn't. A couple of people laughed at the attempt. Then the senator continued.
"Why are you so afraid of this man?" the senator asked.
"Because, sir, he is the most evil person alive that I know of", Ollie answered.
"And what do you recommend we do about him?" asked the senator.
"Well, sir, if it was up to me, I would recommend that an assassin team be formed to eliminate him and his men from the face of the earth." The senator disagreed with this approach, and that was all that was shown of the clip. By the way, that senator was Al Gore.

Also: Terrorist pilot Mohammad Atta blew up a bus in Israel in 1986. The Israelis captured, tried and imprisoned him. As part of the Oslo agreement with the Palestinians in 1993, Israel had to agree to release so-called "political prisoners." However, the Israelis would not release any with blood on their hands, The American President at the time, Bill Clinton, and his Secretary of State, Warren Christopher, "insisted" that all prisoners be released.
Thus Mohammad Atta was freed and eventually thanked the US by flying an airplane into Tower One of the World Trade Center. This was reported by many of the American TV networks at the time that the terrorists were first identified. It was censored in the US from all later reports.

I went and checked this out at the Natinal Archives and Library of Congress sites. Though I had to pay to get transcripts, I wasn't going to post these without corraboration (sp?). We can't change the past, but for close to 20 years we've had info coming in tellin gus something was up. Much like Pearl Harbor, but don't get me started on that one...

Moving on to a much happier note, the storm appears to have finally stopped. Looks to be about 10 inches or so out in the lawn. The same lawn that had no snow 2 days ago. Life in the northeast... means riding in the basement again. Bleh!!!

Snow?

Yup. Big storm today. I already rode, and now I'm waiting for it to show up. It snowed a little last night. Almost like nature saying "ha, take that you slack jawed rat bastards!!!I tease you with a slight taste of spring and now it's back to SAD land with you!!!" I wonder if Mother NAture is evil or just has a twisted sense of humor. I can appreciate the second.

So immature girl at least is perceptive. Since I started ignoring her existence like she does to me, she quickly decided to be nice to me. Maybe because I can make life a lot easier if she needs something at work? Sorry, but you're on the other side of the river, and the bridge abutments are smoldering, lassie...

In about 3 weeks I have my first day of racing. I'm worried, as I feel like I'm way behind in my fitness. Paranoia. However, I'm not really focusing on any races until April, so I hope to race myself into form. (In bike racing when you're in shape and riding well, you are "on form" or have "good form". Wow, that sounds so weird.) Train to race, race to train...

Anything else? No. Time to ride in the basement for a recovery ride. Such the exciting life I have. Have a good weekend!!!

Read Gulliver's Travels, it has a section you might enjoy as it's about little people...

I like my job. I like who I work with. Except one person. She needs to be brought down quite a few pegs. (I'd say cut down to size, but that would take awhile...) If you ever meet me, or know me, you'll see I'm pretty laid back and not much gets me upset. Like someone drinking my Coke I left in the refrigerator at work. Unopened yesterday, gone today... I figure someone needed it and didn't have the money or something. But I digress.

A certain coworker obviously is cynical about what I've said I've done in my life, whom I've met, etc. Hey, it's her perogative. She doesn't acknowledge you if you say good morning, etc. Not worth my time to worry about. Except that when she wants to say something about me, she passes notes to a friend of hers. Like we're in 6th grade at the lunch table. Yeah. Or her latest tactic is to get her friend going while we sit at the break room table and mock me, like today she goes "I know Mariah Carey, I met her when I was umm in England training for..." and then her voice trails off. I sit there and read my Cycle Sport International mag and inwardly laugh at her. Yet I think what bothers me most is how rude and immature it is. I mean, grow up. Get on the list for a spine transplant, grow some backbone, and if you have something to say to me, say it. How off base am I thinking this?

I'm sorry for her in that she's that small a person, and that she's never left Kingston in her life and is so petty. As of three years ago I was able to say I had done all the things I wanted to as a kid in my life already. While everyone else was off in college and then marriage and/or careers, I was doing all kinds of stuff. Since I have no kids and am a free spirit, I took every oppurtunity I could in my life. So I'm not rich, but I'm satisfied so far, and it's getting better.

So now it's time to be prepared to deliver her comeuppance when the oppurtunity arises. It's simple and I'm already prepared. Nothing like having the truth and proof on your side readily available...

Remembering a friend

One More Time to Terp, I still miss you.
Things went awry on that ill fated night
A day later I sent your bags home
You were no longer alive
Your spirit free to roam
But when you left part of my heart was forever gone
A weekend a year to remember you by
But I would give anythingJust to see you one more time
I'll miss you courtside
Basketball just ain't the same
I know you're smiling
But I just want one more game
I held you as life drained from your eyes
Begging you to hold on to your life
I wish it was me, please know I tried
You've gotta know I think of you every day
Haunted by that night every night
You gave your life so I could have mine
But I would give anything God, just name it
To see you one more time
My dreams replay your final words
I followed through
I told your mom you loved her
I remember holding you together
While you softly cried
Blood brothers forever we joked
Then you shuddered and died
You've got to be enjoying your next life
That thought gives me peace in mine
I don't want to hear "the ultimate sacrifice"
It doesn't bring you back
Or make me sleep better at night
Someday, when I've given everything
I hope I'll see you one more time

Ok, I was in the Army for awhile. Many of my friends were killed or maimed. This guy was one of my three best friends from that time. Every now and then I think of him, and this is what I wrote. It's hard to describe how close we were in my unit, partially because we relied on each other so much, partially because it was my good fortune to be in the presence of such great men. I miss them dearly. I do what I do how I do it (with everything I've got) because I've been given the chance to live, and I don't want to waste it. I want to make them proud of me. I hope they are.

Man, do I have no life or what?

Wow!!! This is my 21st post already!!! Of course, that just means I've surpassed the number of people who read this thing by 7 times...So what's new? Nothing. At all. Worked more than I wanted to the past two days, so just indoor trainer rides. I'm starting to hit that place where I'm paranoid everyone else is out racking up miles and I'm falling behind. Then I talk to people and they're like "you've ridden how many effin' hours on the trainer AND HOW MANY MILES OUTSIDE????!!!!!??" and I know I might be on the right track.. Thing is, Sunday 5 March is rapidly approaching...

So I haven't called nor emailed my ex since Saturday. It feels good. Really good to have closure. Nice woman, just not for me.

And where does all this lead? To the plain, unadulterated truth that I have no life right now. Let's look at the facts:
no girlfriend
hell, basically no friends
see more of my bikes than I do for people, except coworkers
I'm hungry
I'm posting my 21st entry in what, less than 3 weeks?
Yeah...

As you can see, I'm not too serious about much. Except my job and racing, and the few friends I do have. Can't leave out the family. Gotta love my nieces and parents and bro and sis and their respective spouses. So, really, though I'm rehashing slightly, I'm ok with my newfound singledom. To be honest, this'll probably the last I mention it being over. Do I move on quick or what?

Right, then. Due to the fact you've heard so much about my bikes, here are a few pics I took the other day (when I took those mirror shots) so you can see what they look like, and then you'll know if you're running over the right guy... HA!!!! Look at that first pic, wow do I have a white scalp... Oh yeah, the green road bike is named Horse, and the orange cyclocross one is named Creamsicle. The road bike is a Schwinn Paramount OS steel frame dinosaur from 1991 (ZOUNDS!!!!!) and weighs about 20 pounds. A bit heavy, yes, but bombproof, stiff, and ultrareliable. No matter how bad the roads on a race are, I never worry about this bike breaking. The cyclocross bike is a Salsa Las Cruces made of scandium and carbon fiber. No idea on weight, but it's not too bad, probably also in the 19-20 pound range. Again, so far it's been bombproof. I need to upgrade a host of parts on it, as right now it's a Frankenbike (Campagnolo, Shimano mix of parts) but that's in due time. Also, it needs to be reassembled, which I think will be tonight's job since I'm all cleaned up and ready to go.

Yeah, and Horse is currently clean of road grime... in case you cared.

SMOOCH!!!

Glad that's over

Whew, done with the trainer. Thank god. Yuck. So what else? Ummmm, did my fundraiser concert over the weekend for the Girl Scouts. Talk about a shock. Over 500 people crammed into this old gym/cafeteria/church hall thing. I played basketball there with CYO when I was about 10-12, and before that it was our church, too. Ok, enough boring details.

The sound check was good, except my voice cracked once, which it did in Manhattan recently when we played a bar. So we scratched that song. Long story short, I'm happy how it went. Between cookie sales, donations, the tickets, baked goods, and a 50/50 raffle, we raised in the realm of $6000. Not bad. Now I can retire while being on top. Played Bach, then the second half my group played a few original songs and a bunch of Matchbox Twenty stuff, as that's what was requested by my niece and her friends. Got two standing ovations and we did a fun encore. But I'm glad it's over. The rehearsals, the tweaking, the travel, the 15 hours of sleep during the week, it was fun, but forget that as a lifestyle.

Ok, so I have two cats, Sarah and Jasper. They're biological brother and sister. Jasper is the black one, and Sarah is the not black one. Ok, that was lame. They wrestle, lick each other's heads, quite fun.

So, what do I look like?

Ok, it's really windy, making it a cold, biting day. Trainer time in the basement. As much as I like to suffer, I don't relish the thought of riding for 3 or 4 hours while snow flurries blast by me. So, it's laundry and recovery followed by an hour on the trainer. Before I get to "reward" myself by staying warm, I figured I'd catch up on my blog, post a few pics of me, so you know what I look like, and see what else comes to mind.

First things first, here are 2 pics of me. I decided to mess around with lighting in the dining area of the house, and use no flash with my digital camera. Came out pretty well, I think. Yes, I purposely skewed the shots so no comments... I feel I look way younger than 33 and 8 months. I just bought those jeans last week and they're already getting too big!!! Gotta love the cycling...

Ok, so that covers that. Now, here I'm going to tread on dangerous ground and be a bit political/religious. Not for long, because I like my life. This whole Islamic cartoon thing: What the hell is going on? I know images of Mohammed are forbidden. Yet practitioners of Islam claim to be peaceful (except the extremists) and there they go, torching embassies, etc. And you expect us to take you serioulsy? By us I mean the majority of the world community. Couldn't they have demonstrated like the protesters in London? No fires, no injuries, just a very well thought out, forceful statement I can respect. Is that really so hard? What am I missing? Please don't think I'm bashing Islam, I'm not. I don't know enough about it, to be honest. Are we headed back to the Crusades/Holy Wars of the Middle Ages? I hope not.

I mean, if the Islamic community is offended by the cartoons (which I haven't seen, so anyone feel free to forward a link to me so I can judge for myself) then don't look. It's like the Bible in every hotel drawer in this country. Don't pick it up if you don't like it. Yes, it's much deeper than that, but maybe we can come to a common ground.

Ok, I said a few posts that I was going to keep clear of politics and religion, mostly. So back to my usual stuff. I've got a few programs Nigella Lawson was on taped, so I'll be watching her after I finish riding. Yeah, Nigella, I could go for her in a big way. Not sure why, but I can dream, right?

SMILE!!!!!

Hey wow

I've seen so many of these 4 letter abbreviations kicking on the web I decided to see what the hell they mean. Well, after a blueribbon panel of experts (2 cats, a stuffed moose named Marion, and a bike named Horse) and I endeavored to research this, I took a variety of tests, and each and every one of them said I was an ENTP. Since I'm so non-versed in this stuff, I'm inclined to believe it. Anyone who knows me or feels they have a read on me from my posts, feel free to comment.

Just a few random race pics from '04

I decided to throw up 3 pics from the 2004 Chris Thater MEmorial Criterium. Two are of me in sprints, the one of me by myself is me "sending some words of encouragement" to my breakaway partner. Actually, I was yelling at him to keep going with me, as we had a good chance to stay away to the end. It wasn't to be.

Am I truly that difficult?

Ok, yet another relationship dies due to my bike. Not much to say. Was the third time around with this person, I love her dearly, but she's upset I have weekends off and work half days MWF and don't see her often. Well, I'm in my bike from when I get home to dark, simple. On full work days I ride my trainer in the basement (I hook up my bike to a magnetic resistance trainer so my bike becomes a stationary bike) a few hours if I don't go insane first. It is boring.

Point being, she knew that this year is really important to me. Last year was a lost year. I won two races in May, then could have taken the rest of the year off, it was that bad. I have a full calendar planned, and I need to stick to my training plan to reach my goals. When you date a competitive cyclist, you're trying to assimilate into a lifestyle. We live to race, work jobs that suit our training schedule, and anything else is a bonus if it works.

I feel bad, but I'm not going to put too much effort into this this time. I don't need the distraction. She lives about 35 miles away, across the Hudson, so it's an hour to get there. There's the phone, but I can't call after 9 because of her housemates are teachers and go to sleep early. I guess I'm married to my bike. Sad in a way. Honestly, I'm just in the mood to concentrate on my bike. The best relationship I could have would be with a woman who races, also. Or at least is a serious recreational rider.

So apparently my now ex said she felt like she was at the bottom of my list of priorities. Sorry, but not so. I could go off here on a tangent, but suffice to say last time she was to my place was before Christmas. Yeah. Equal effort? Hardly. I'm going to miss her, and maybe this will all work out, but I'm focused on my bike from now until December. Maybe she doesn't understand I get paid to do this, and it's about 55% of my annual income. Plus if I win, I get to keep most of the prize money, with the rest being split amongst my team mates who were in my race with me, and vice versa. If I have another bad year, I won't be on a team, and will be bearing the financial burden of a season on my own. Ouch. At $20 a race at least. Multiply that by 60 and you see how that gets pricey, let alone gas, hotels, parts, etc.

Well, time to ride for a second time today. Bit windy, but it makes you stronger. IF I don't ride, I feel guilty, then I get depressed, and what good am I if I'm not happy? Last year I was miserable because I spent a day in New York city instead of riding, so I couldn't enjoy it, and wasn't a whole lot of fun to be around. And who wants me like that? Not I.

Truth

Truth a simple little word
That has so much power
But is seldom heard
It lays down foundations of trust
Lets two people become "us"
Sometimes can give a little shelter
When things get rough
I'd rather hear it all
Than half of what's going on
Should I just go off on my own?
It's the feigning that this is norma
lThat we have a relationship at all
The only view that I have is of your wall
You want to protect me how?
By totally shutting me out?
Give me a reason why I should stay around
It's myself I've started to doubt
What's so hard of the truth
Is there something that it'd prove
That by ignoring you can't lose?
It's the feigning that this is normal
Is this any relationship at all
I only see graffitti on your wall

Somethimg I came up with during one of my many dating experiences.

Don't die wondering...

Something a friend of mine said last time I saw him before he was killed in Iraq this past fall. I guess it's how I've lived my life. Things like "I wonder what Lake Placid is like right now..." to which I reply "Let's go, we'll call in to work tomorrow..."

So what am I wondering about? Just a myriad of things I won't bore you with here. I'm more concerned with a fundraising concert I'm playing in for two Girl Scout Troops tomorrow evening. (But I don't get free cookies!!! What's up with that?!!?) First half is classical where I'm playing a Bach Brandenburg Concerto. A friend's Aunt is a private music teacher in Norwalk, CT and got some of her students who attend Juliard to come, so we've got a small chamber orchestra thing happening. The second half of the show is a show of popular music by two bands. One a good local band, the other a quick and desperate attempt by my friends and I to become a band. Hey, we're actually good enough to have played at a bar in Manhattan (Grammercy Park) two weeks in a row. Eric does some pretty good vocals. We do some covers in our own style (like using a Juliard student violinist in place of some guitar solos) and original music. People seem to like us, but we've never played anywhere there wasn't alcohol... Anyway, I sing most lead, (ugh, I know why they need alcohol) but people keep telling me I sound like Rob Thomas, Matchbox Twenty lead singer. Not a bad comparison, I feel. So we do a few of their songs, too. In our own style, of course.

Oh, and I've only been playing piano since December of 2004. By July my teacher (who was amazing, even played in the National COncert Hall in DC while I was studying with her) cut me loose, saying I should have played as a child, for I could have made a living as a classical pianaist. That is something I wonder about...

So what else shall I divulge on this already long post? Ok, personal life stuff. I'm called a serial dater by my friends. I've had all kinds of girlfriends, form an ex Victoria Secret's model to the girl next door literally. I've nothing else right now. I'll probably post some other stuff later, but I need to get my house cleaned so I can have a guilt free weekend.

I was waitn' on a miracle but nohtin showed and they say our new messiah is down at the local bar...

Still have car worries. Turns out a $20 part in the rest of the world is $68 up here with a discount. So instead I'm playing electrical roulette with my car, hoping to fix it tomorrow, banking on the fact it'll make it the 25 miles to work. I did disconnect everything but the major items to keep the car running. Oh, the life of the adventurous.

There's a fine line between courage and stupidity, and I never know which side I'm on...

Love you all, love each other